Why Your Wins Feel Empty (The Joy Thief)

You worked for it. You sweated for it. You sacrificed for it. And then you got it. The promotion. The client. The ring. The milestone.

You felt a surge of happiness for about... 12 minutes. And then, you opened your phone. You saw someone else get a bigger win. A faster win. A shinier win. And just like that, your joy evaporated.

The air went out of the balloon. Suddenly, your mountain looks like a molehill. Suddenly, your victory feels like a participation trophy.

This is The Joy Thief. Theodore Roosevelt said, "Comparison is the thief of joy." But I think it's worse than that. Comparison doesn't just steal the joy; it steals the memory. It rewrites your history. It tells you that what you just did didn't matter.

The Conditional Celebration

We have been trained to celebrate conditionally. "I will be happy IF..." * IF it is the best. * IF everyone claps. * IF no one else did it better.

This is a recipe for perpetual misery. Because there is always someone doing it "better." There is always a faster runner, a richer founder, a younger prodigy. If your joy depends on being #1, you will be miserable 99.9% of the time.

The Comparison Hangover

In Chapter 12 of Your Own Lane, I talk about the Comparison Hangover. It's that gross, heavy feeling you get after you diminish your own light because you stared too long at someone else's. You rob yourself of the dopamine you earned. You rob your brain of the signal that says "Good job, we did it."

If you never let the victory land, you never build confidence. Confidence comes from stacking wins. If you delete your wins the moment they happen because they aren't "big enough," you are building a house with no bricks. You will feel perpetually insecure, no matter how much you achieve.

Anchoring the Win

How do we stop the Thief? We have to Anchor the Win before we look sideways.

You need a ritual. A containment field that protects your joy from the contamination of comparison.

1. The 24-Hour Rule When you have a win—big or small—do not look at social media for 24 hours. Sit with it. Share it with real people who love you (not internet strangers). Let the feeling sink into your nervous system. Let your brain register: "I did this." Solidify the memory before you expose it to the comparison market.

2. Define the "Why" Again Why did you want this goal? Was it to impress others? Or was it for you? If you wrote the book because you had a story to tell, then holding the book in your hands is the victory. Whether it sells 100 copies or 10,000 copies is secondary. The victory was the creation. Reconnect with the intrinsic value, not the external validation.

3. Celebrate the Effort, Not the Rank Don't celebrate being "The Best." Celebrate being "Consistent." Celebrate the late nights. Celebrate the courage it took to ask. Celebrate the resilience. These are things no one can take away from you. Someone can beat your time, but no one can beat your effort. Your effort is yours.

The Private Party

Real joy is often quiet. It isn't a parade. It's a private party in your heart. It's the quiet satisfaction of knowing you kept a promise to yourself.

Don't let the noise of the world crash your party. Don't let the algorithm tell you your cake is too small. Eat the cake. Enjoy the moment. You earned it.

When you stay in your own lane, every step forward is a victory. Because you are the only one running this race.