The Myth of 'Catching Up' (And Why You Never Were Behind)

There is a question that haunts us, usually at 3 AM, or right after we open LinkedIn: Am I behind?

Behind in my career. Behind in finding love. Behind in buying a house. Behind in figuring out my purpose. It feels like a fact. You look at your age, you look at your bank account, you look at your friends, and the math seems clear: "I should be further along by now."

But I want to challenge the premise. Behind what? Behind who? And who exactly is holding the stopwatch?

The idea of "catching up" is the single most exhausting myth of modern life. It assumes that life is a linear race with a standard pace, and that if you are not at Mile Marker 30 by age 30, you have failed.

But life isn't a race. It's a rhythm. And you cannot be behind on your own path.

The Industrial Assembly Line of Life

Where did this timeline come from? It came from the factory.

During the Industrial Revolution, we standardized everything. Schools became factories for workers. We grouped kids by age, not ability. We created a standard curriculum. We created the "career ladder." We built a model of life that looks like an assembly line: * Age 18: College. * Age 22: Graduate. * Age 25: Manager. * Age 30: Married. * Age 35: House/Kids. * Age 65: Retire.

This model works great for building cars. It is terrible for building humans. It assumes we all start at the same place, with the same resources, the same trauma history, the same health, and the same desires. It assumes life is linear.

But real life is not linear. It is cyclical. It is seasonal. It is messy. Trauma happens. Recessions happen. Divorces happen. Burnout happens. And when these things happen, they aren't "delays." They are the curriculum.

The Illusion of the "Lag"

When you feel "behind," what you are actually feeling is the gap between your Reality and your Expectation. You expected to be a Director by 30. You are a Manager. You expected to be married. You are single.

You call this gap "The Lag." And you treat it like a debt you have to pay off by hustling harder. You rush. You force outcomes. You settle for the wrong job or the wrong partner just to close the gap.

But the gap isn't real. The expectation was the lie. The expectation was based on a statistical average, not on your soul's unique timing.

Seasonality vs. Linearity

In Chapter 6 of Your Own Lane, I talk about replacing the Linear Model with the Seasonal Model.

Nature doesn't rush. A tree doesn't worry that it's "behind" because it hasn't produced fruit in January. It understands that it is winter. Winter is not a failure. It is a season of root-building. It is a season of rest. If a tree tried to bloom in winter because all the other trees were fake plastic trees that looked green year-round, it would die.

You might be in a Winter season. Maybe you are healing. Maybe you are learning. Maybe you are grieving. From the outside, it looks like "nothing is happening." It looks like you are falling behind. But underground, your roots are going deep. You are building the foundation for a Spring that will be more abundant than you can imagine.

But if you try to sprint through your Winter because you are afraid of looking lazy, you will arrive at Spring exhausted. You will have no energy left to bloom.

The Late Bloomer Advantage

History is full of people who were "behind." Vera Wang* didn't design a dress until she was 40. Samuel L. Jackson* didn't get his big break until 43. Julia Child* didn't learn to cook until she was 37.

Were they behind? Or were they gathering? They were gathering experiences, failures, perspectives, and resilience that made them undeniable when they finally arrived.

If Vera Wang had tried to force a fashion career at 22, she might have been mediocre. She needed the years of being a figure skater and an editor to build the vision that became her empire.

Your "delay" is not empty time. It is gestation. You are not waiting. You are ripening.

Dropping the Stopwatch

The most liberating thing you can do is drop the stopwatch. Stop measuring your life against your friend's highlight reel. Stop measuring it against your parents' expectations. Stop measuring it against the "30 Under 30" lists.

Accept where you are. Right now. This is not the wrong place. This is the starting line for the next chapter.

You can start a business at 50. You can find love at 60. You can change careers at 40. The only deadline is death. Until then, everything is open.

You don't need to catch up. You just need to show up. To your own life. To your own timing. To your own lane.