Why You Achieve Your Goals but Still Feel Empty
Goals are finish lines. Values are a compass. If you have a map but no compass, you are just running in circles faster.
Why You Achieve Your Goals but Still Feel Empty
There is a specific kind of depression that hits you right after you win. You cross the finish line. You sign the deal. You buy the house. You pop the champagne. You smile for the photo.
And then you go home, sit on the edge of your bed, and think: "Is this it?"
You expected a permanent shift in your internal state. You expected to feel "arrived." Instead, you just feel... tired. And now, you don't even have the goal to distract you anymore.
This happens because we confuse Goals with Values. We spend our lives chasing landmarks (Goals) while ignoring the direction we are traveling (Values).
The Map vs. The Compass
In Chapter 7 of Your Own Lane, I distinguish between Desires, Goals, and Values.
Goals* are destinations. They are points on a map. "Reach $100k revenue." "Lose 10kg." "Get married." Values* are a compass. They are a way of traveling. "Freedom." "Integrity." "Connection." "Mastery."
You can reach a Goal while violating your Values. You can get the promotion (Goal) by working 80 hours a week and ignoring your family, violating your value of Connection. You can get rich (Goal) by selling a product you hate, violating your value of Integrity.
When you reach a goal that violated your values, you don't feel successful. You feel defeated. This is called Success Without Fulfillment. It is the ultimate failure.
The "Hollow Victory"
We are taught to chase the "Hollow Victory." Society applauds the outcome. It doesn't ask about the cost. If you look successful on paper, nobody asks if you are sleeping at night.
But your soul keeps the score. If you built a life that looks good to your Ego but feels bad to your Energy (Chapter 9), you will burn out. Not because the work is hard, but because the work is a lie.
How to Find Your Values (Not Just Nice Words)
Most people think values are words like "Honesty" and "Kindness." Those are nice, but they are generic. Your Core Values are the non-negotiables that define you.
To find them, look at your pain. * When were you most angry? (Likely when a value was violated). * When were you most jealous? (Likely when someone lived a value you are suppressing). * When were you most flow-state happy? (Likely when you were honoring a value).
If you are angry every time your boss micromanages you, your value is Autonomy. If you are jealous of your friend who travels in a van, your value might be Freedom (or Simplicity).
Goal-Setting 2.0
Stop setting goals first. Set values first. Instead of: "I want to make a million dollars." Ask: "I value Freedom and Creativity. What financial goal supports that?"
Maybe a million dollars requires you to build a massive team and manage people all day (which kills your Freedom). Maybe making $150k as a solo consultant gives you total control (maximizing Freedom).
If you chase the million, you lose. If you chase the Freedom, you win, regardless of the number.
The Compass Never Ends
Goals have finish lines. Once you cross them, the dopamine fades. Values never end. You can never "finish" being Creative. You can never "complete" being Generous. Values offer a source of satisfaction that is renewable every single day.
You don't have to wait for the IPO to be happy. If you value Creativity, and you wrote a beautiful paragraph this morning, you won. Today. Right now.
Stop chasing the horizon. Look at the compass in your hand. Are you walking in the right direction?